God speaks to children and for children.  For instance, Ephesians chapter six recycles the commandment to children that we honor our parents:

1 “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”  

These words are more relevant than you might think, because  whether you are married or single, whether you have children or don’t yet have children,  whether you are old or young, male or female, everyone is someone’s child.  The command to honor parents was lifted directly out of the Ten Commandments, where it was grouped together with Commandments concerning how we treat God.  It’s a serious command to run afoul of. People have invited a lot of trouble into their lives  by dishonoring their parents. That’s what the command seeks to help us avoid by promising if you obey it, “that it may go well with you.” 

Honor does not mean we exonerate parents of all bad behavior, nor does it mean we varnish  our family history, pretending everything was fine. Odds are, everything was not fine.   No, honor means to revere parental rank–that they came before us. Those two imperfect people were the ones God chose to bring us into the world and shape us, for better or for worse, so we could glorify God in some particular and unique way.    

Now, having covered instructions to children, I’d like to spend some time on the instructions for children.  

In an age currently rife with foolishness, people tend to think kids are born with a fully developed range of reasoning and decision-making tools.  They think of children like goldfish. You put them in a tank, sprinkle some food flakes, and allow them freedom to explore and do whatever they want.  This so-called enlightened mindset tends to tell them, “Find your own answers from the internet, the library, television, friends, or teachers. Or strangers in chatrooms.” This attitude is a direct contradiction of what God told us to do with our children.

God’s number one choice for spiritual, moral, ethical, and character-based guidance is parents–not a school, nor even a church, or ministry (as helpful as those things can be).  

And before anything else, we are supposed to bring them into the knowledge of God’s word.  

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.   

Though both parents certainly provide instruction to their children, this verse  especially speaks to fathers, because fathers, sometimes due to their impatience, pick at and provoke their kids.  We are also often tempted to mentally check out, leaving the role of teacher to our wives. Fathers, though, are to be involved with the spiritual formation of their children.  

Men can certainly wield considerable influence.    For instance, Junior is overheard saying, “My dad can throw a football really far, and he built our treehouse, and he believes that Jesus died on the cross and resurrected!”   This may seem funny, but it demonstrates the considerable influence an involved dad can have upon his son. Obviously our children’s view of us will change, but when they’re younger they tend to see their parents as God-like figures who know all things. That means we need to leverage this early advantage with good discipline and instruction.

The two words “discipline” and “instruction” from verse 4 have some level of overlap, but instruction has  more to do with the transfer of information, while discipline is more act-oriented, with live reinforcement and correction.  

A popular belief of our current time says that we shouldn’t violate our children’s human autonomy  by seeking to shape them. But this is terribly naive. Forces all around them are constantly shaping them.  Neutrality is an illusion. God expects us to be completely involved with our kids in the development of their beliefs and values.  When it comes to what is right and good, we guide them into the way. When it comes to evil, we block their way.

Deut 6.4 “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.”  

We often quote this verse by itself, but such love for God will continue to flow into a loving attitude toward His Word:    

6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.  

When we love these words, they will naturally flow even further into our kids:  

7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 

This isn’t merely family Bible hour.  It is life as it happens–sitting, walking, lying down, getting up–all of life.  For instance, there will come a time when your child attends his or her first wedding.   Why do Christians subscribe to the idea of one man and one woman? What does a funeral mean, and what happens after people die?

When seven-year-old Susie comes home with a broken heart because she found out Billy wasn’t “the one,” How would you use the gospel to intersect that young life disappointment?  What about when your child steals something for the first time, and what do we tell them if they get into the habit of lying? How about how they deal with money, issues of justice and fairness in the home, forgiveness, and love? Then of course, there’s the question of service, that is, helping out around the house, and then the larger issues of service in the church, and even in the community. 

How about respect issues–if they curse at you, or have that attitude, or that tone? How do they interact with adults outside of your home? Then of course, there’s the matter of respect toward legal authorities. 

Life provides all these opportunities. We provide instruction with His words.  God is serious about this:  

8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.

Ancient Jews took this  command literally, and began to strap small leather cubes containing scripture verses on their hand, and to wear them on their foreheads.  They were called tefillin.

The essential meaning of the tefillin is far more important than the literal observance of it.  Hands signify deeds. A forehead signifies thoughts. Our deeds and thoughts should be dominated by God’s truth.  It’s interesting that in the Book of Revelation, Antichrist puts his mark on people’s hands and foreheads, as he seeks to control them.  Whatever God’s word does not rule, becomes fair game for the devil.    

But, as we’ve been saying, the words of God should go beyond the individual adult, and extend to the entire household:

9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. 

The word should rule and administrate our homes.  Some things should happen there just because the Bible says so. Then again, some things should not ever happen there, for the same reason.  

When we instruct and discipline our children in the word, it establishes certain boundaries of doctrinal truth and defines reality itself.   God is not whomever we want Him to be, nor do we get to pick whatever truth we desire.  If you cross these boundaries, you will begin to experience real-world consequences.    We see them around us everyday.  

For years now, an entire generation of children teeters on the brink of abject confusion about their own gender.  According to the “experts” they can’t look between their legs for the answer.  Even mom and dad aren’t helpful.  The parents have been programmed to obey every bizarre new social trend, rather than submit to biological fact, common sense, and thousands of years of historical precedent.  

Not to mention a battery of biblical logic.  The Bible could easily show Junior that God created male and female, and as Creator, He didn’t get confused when He was doing it.  That would take a parent putting his (or her) finger on a passage on a page, and saying with authority, “Now Junior, you may not be feeling like you’re a boy, but  the Bible is sure of it, and I’m sure of it, so I’m going to help guide you into what’s real. In fact, there will be a whole lot of other things in life that you’re not going to feel, either, but you’ll have to accept them, too.  Until you have your own certainty, trust your Creator. And trust me.” 

In other words, we don’t assist  our children in some silly attempt at changing physical reality; we help them to receive it from God’s hand, and move on into a productive and normal life.    

Kids will get confused (it’s part of being a kid!), which includes testing all sorts of boundaries.  Some of it will involve their watching you, partly wondering whether you have wisdom for them in varied areas.  Yes, sometimes they already know what you would say, which means you must offer them something more than just, “Cuz I said so!”  I realize you don’t know the answers to everything, and none of us do, but we still must do our best. Educate yourself on the issue.  Don’t pretend you’re in the know.  Kids have a knack for seeing through a bluff.  Also, you’ll need to look up verses in your Bible you can show your children.  Your child must see there’s an authority above you, and you are deriving your wisdom from it.  In addition, you can get help from experienced, godly people by listening to their viewpoints, and receiving recommendations for good, Bible-based literature.  

On a more practical note, how we handle the instruction and discipline of our kids has to do with how old they are.  Where young children are concerned, we need to be creative, simple, and straightforward. With older children, we’re entering more of a dialogue, telling them not only what we believe but why we believe it.   Through this process, you’ll find your own beliefs becoming progressively honed, as you reason them out with your kids.    

Please don’t fall into the trap of assuming you need to be perfect before you provide instruction and discipline.   Your qualification is not your perfection, but the simple fact that God has made you a parent. Now obviously you want to be as behaviorally consistent with your stated beliefs as possible to avoid confusing your children.  But if you fail, learn to be honest about it.  If you acted out, confess your sin rather than excuse it. This will demonstrate not only your humility, but that you also are a person under Christ.     

My daughter got in trouble once when she was in grade school. During our outbriefing about it, I admitted to her that I was a sinner as well. Incredulous, and with eyes as big as poached eggs, she said, “You too?” I took advantage of the moment to teach, telling her, “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:23).  I explained to her how repentance worked in my own life of fellowship with Jesus. “So,” she said, with a sly look, “You’re a sinner.” “Yes,” I replied. “And I am the sinner who is in charge of this house.”       

Nor, as we instruct, do we forget to discipline.   It is tempting to adopt a passive parenting style, telling our children if they don’t listen, there will be consequences later, when they grow up.   Little Johnny, who is eight years old, will hardly find compelling your warnings about jail, or not landing a good job, or even the judgment seat of Christ.  No, we tell Johnny there will be consequences now, and if he doesn’t learn, after he grows up and leaves home, they will become worse later.    

None of this will make you popular with your kids.  Still, don’t be terrified of them being mad at you, nor of progressive scolds in the world around you.  After all, kids, due to their immaturity, are notoriously shortsighted.  And worldly people only respect the PC Playbook.  

For a short time we’ll have to endure being disliked.  Maybe later, we’ll even witness our kids making some horrible decisions in adulthood.  But we’re not talking about controlling every outcome. If our children choose another way, we hope it will be in spite of all our love, instruction, and discipline, and not because we let them raise themselves.